About Me
My life is nothing other than taking shits or waiting for the next one
Ihave finally, after much demand, gathered my thoughts and philosphies for the modern day man in this here site: VOID THOUGHTS. You are not in danger. The human condition is one of toil, pain and disposal. My very existence is fueled by the need to take one matter and convert it into a bastardised, used and disgusting remnant of what it once was. Walking through the plane of this curse, I leave a wake of ruin and furthered-entropy, doing nothing but accelerating the long-awaited end of all that there is. What a burden they put on a young man, to tell him such a thing at such a young age - they'll do the same to you if you're not careful. I'll never forgive them for what they did.
My Most Recent & Brilliant Post
Prey Behaviour
Do you ever meet people who, despite not being from around the area, instantly adopt the accents, dialects and culture of the environment they're in? Human cuttlefish. Chameleons. These people are hominid prey.Sure, predators blend into nature too, but the do this with conscious effort. A lioness may blend into the savanna, stalking its prey slowly to hide - but…
More Works Of Greatness
Society’s Scaffolding Crumbles Under My Weight
MY HUGE FRAME COLLAPSES BRIDGES. THE MASS OF MY FAT ASS SINKS ROADS. MY GROTESQUE, ORGANIC, AND FLABBY ROLLS SUFFOCATE THE VERY FABRIC OF POLITE SOCIETY.I'm writing this from my toilet seat.I've been glued here for the past 40 minutes,…
Pluck, stuff and roast me like a turkey
The finality of becoming food is a beautiful and fitting end to any life.As I spend my day splitting the skin from the breast, carefully inserting sticks of butter with marjoram, thyme, basil, pepper, salt under the skin, righteously inserting…
My Torment is Testimony
All beings on this planet come from the eternal life of peace, where you are free from challenge and unburdened from the repercussions of soul-destroying personal futility at your lack of power, for no progress can be made in Utopia,…
Neil DeGrasse Tyson asked me to stop asking him my BIG QUESTIONS
Which is a shame, for nobody else will answer them either.As my life goes on, more fundamental questions in my life go unanswered. Where do babies come from, and why won't any responsible adults in my life tell me? If…
Life peaked when I took a shit behind my office
Life, a provably pointless endeavour, has few thrills that entertain me at all. The only joy I ever really receive is risk - the thrill of consequences, pain, or death are my only escapes where I really feel anything at…
I sabotaged the Artemis II launch (4 dead)
If there's one thing I love more than sticking it in men, it's sticking it to the man. Just like the former, I'll do this any way I can, no matter what it takes. And ladies and gentlemen, that's exactly…
I’d be much happier if I could stop thinking
My mind, a torturous thing, churns with thought and worry. But is this a pain I must suffer through or can I, through some means, perhaps drugs, prostitution or more alcohol, cause it all to end? Long ago I tried…
I don’t trust any organ that doesn’t scream
I wake up to the realisation that I am still here, a gross and inconvenient interconnected pile of flesh. A great sensation of bursting pressure forms in my bladder, I go to relieve myself, the pain subsides. I lay there…
The Toilet is the Only Cathedral Left
For how long has humanity toiled in the quarries, heaving stone, knocking it into blocks and piling it up into great pyres in service of the lord? How many tons do we take out of the Earth to honour greater…
I COULD DRINK A HORSE
By fart, the most noticeable effect I get from taking my unprescribed narcolepsy medication is I get so THIRSTY. I drink and I piss and I piss and I drink, I piss in my drink and I drink my piss…
Do Worms Sleep & Dream?
The little wriggly creatures that churn the ground I walk on are often in my mind. Their small fleshy bodies may appear merely as food to most other people, but I see them as individual beings with souls, motives, and…
Void Reviews: 50/50
This film largely surrounded one of my favourite topics: imminent death - and what's more, in one of my favourite forms: blameless illness.The film begins with the protagonist, who I never picked up the name of (played by Joseph Golden…
My thoughts are cowards
All my best ideas run the moment I call upon them. But when I'm an easy target, then they hit. Why do they never want to participate when the times are tough, and their efforts matter? They are cowards, that's…
I’m Sorry: I tortured an alien in 2019
Ladies and gentlemen, this will be my last post. When I am found next week with 6 grenade explosions to my chest, just know I was WHACKED for speaking the truth. Aliens are REAL and they sensually touched me between…
Forcing myself to watch long format porn at 1x speed (a mental health rant)
Holy FUCK would they just get to it? I yell at the top of my lungs. All this needless foreplay for literal minutes on end. You don't get this when you let yourself skip the timeline - but that is…
Do they put you in a cell
We remember a time upon which the mind did not stutter or pause, but served up every thought and memory with clarity. Those times, my dear friend, are long gone. The mind now is like molasses on a cold day…
I taste blood when I walk too fast
Science has promised me far too much in the way of expanding the human being into a lean, active and strong machine, yet has failed to ever pay off anything. What has science really ever done for us? Think about…
Flushed
Upon a throne I rule my kingdomPorcelain my divinityHere I shut my eyes for goodFlushed down I sink to serenityCurling around my body traversescold water, wait for me down hereWhere thought beckons not a hopeAnd hope is ne'er wrought but…
Your Wish To Be Machines Sickens Me
Modern-day technology has evolved from the assisting man to work harder in a quest for dominance to the hell of entrenching the human mind in a state of ever-increasing reliance. No more is the day of turning on a tool…
I am declaring war on HMRC
I am declaring WAR on HMRC and I plan to attack every HMRC building on the 25th of February at 10am. This is a direct threat to HMRC unless they give me back all the money they have stolen from…
The Singularity Reminder
There's many ways you can love people, not all are conventional, and not all are accepted by Society. Peter Sutcliffe may have loved the 13 women he killed and we regard him as a bad person, but am I any…
The Self Illusion
A border exists where the self becomes all else, upon which a self-governing autonomy terminates its finiteness and an altogether independent object or being takes over that matter. But what makes anything itself, and everything something else? Is the edge…
I’m big and fat and spreading pestilence
Stirring and convulsing inside are the gut bacteria of 25 years of unclean eating, gone-off egg and undercooked pork, fermenting every bite of every meal of every macro into new and vile products not yet known to the majority of…
Where’s my xenophobic alt girl at?
The loudest tyrants rule over the people most silent, but the silence of the masses is most easily achieved with indoctrinated classes. Those poor children who suffer in re-education camps before they even have a chance to form their opinions,…
I make my Sims miserable so my life seems better
I ponder my life decisions at 4am, having spent the last 9 hours raising a model of everything I amn't. My Sim works hard. My Sim does the extra work. My Sim does not even own a TV to waste…
Santa: Is it time to diversify your elf-force?
"I'm dreaming of a White Christmas". Words that Father Christmas has taken too literally, too long. With 2026 starting it's time to question whether 'Santa Claus' should consider bringing his workshop into the modern day by employing not only proto-hominid…
Dry January makes me want to Die Immediatuary
Cursed trends and New Year's resolutions be damned, but I decided I should try one month without alcohol as I have become a fat, bloated, and puffy blob, like a microwaved wax figure of the man I once was. I…
You never forget your first
I know I won't. I was 7 years old, up early on a cold and crisp morning, still sleepy enough that my head bobbed from side to side in my drowsiness. That was when it happened, a special treat.The local…
I can’t afford the bread and circuses
I don't understand how anyone is meant to get by anymore. Times haven't always been easy, but at least in the days gone by there was some amount of hope that once you pass your poor early life years, you'll…
Here’s to another fucking trip around the sun
It's that time of year. Revellers detonate explosives for 6 god damned hours straight and listen to upbeat music, drinking and celebrating the coming of a new year. Pricks.I was sick of it all 5 years ago and I'm only…
My blood is thick with rage and salt
My cardiologist said my blood is too thick and intense in pressure, that if I don't stop eating salt, I could have a heart attack and die. I didn't even know I was ill, but the more I thought about…
If we have Cycle Lanes, why not Women Lanes?
The biggest question I have when driving is "Why am I on the same road as women?"We're clearly not on the same level.The same way the cyclist on his velocipede has his own lane for his own safety, and the…
Israel is making me fat
The Israel Defence Forces have deployed their latest enlarging space-laser to inflate my weight up as part of their campaign to silence me by bloating me up until I explode.It isn't because of how many calories I eat, or how…
Feng Shui Tips
One of my many powerful powers is the beautiful gift of Feng Shui mastery. I have applied my skills to produce several tips that I used to improve my own life and, hopefully, you my dear reader. Trust me, take…
I ate 11 sausages today & I feel like Bonnie Blue
Yet again, another day starts with a meat inspection for what is on the kill list. Ham? Fine. Beef? I've got until tomorrow. Bacon? Bacon lasts forever. But the 12-pack of Sausages (of which I had eaten 1) expires today.…
Fondling Gods Innocent Creatures
I've been mixing up my life lately, out with the old and in with the nude, I say. Rather than wake up and grease myself head to toe with Macadamia oil to stop the bed bug itches, I've been using…
Women fear me. Rightly so.
I'm often asked by my family when I shall be producing the next generation of suffering in a lineage with a proud history going all the way back to single-celled organisms, and I always tell them the same thing: don't…
I have no cone and I must cream
The darkness lingers longer now that Gods favourite country falls out of prime-axis, and it makes me want to kill myself.Dawn taunts me just above the horizon, piercing my eyes and riding the tops of trees in distance yonder as…
No Sleep in London
I once had the neat idea to not book myself a hotel in London overnight and see if I could just wing it until the morning by any means necessary. I realised up to this point, every time I was…
I struggle to understand aspects of scientific literature so I have decided to denounce it
The scientists at observatory say that the Universe is not only getting bigger, but accelerating outwards. Now I can get behind anything expanding, but getting faster as it does so? That doesn't register as real to me, so I dug…
Sticky Fingers Makes Light Work Of Dusty Floors
One goal I've had for many years now has been to replace the traditional auto-vacuum device with a new style. No more featureless round pucks that slide around and whisk up fluff with little brushes. I want my floors cleaned…
I Am Retard (2007)
Higher level thinking has never got me anywhere. In fact, I'd bet on it that thinking as a whole has only ever worsened my situation. Would I really be any worse off if I was lobotomised and paid minimum wage…
I don’t need therapy, I just need money
My therapy session was rudely turned into a cruel attack today, where I was told I have quite severe social anxiety and I need to be a little bit methed up to get by. I refused the state drugs and…
I’m carpet bombing Aldi with bean and dark ale farts
There's always been a deep hatred in my soul for the great unwashed that makes me want to unleash suffering upon the masses. Unfortunately in this modern age of civility and settling disputes in court, we're forced to resort to…
A Musical Idea
This just might be the most revolutionary musical idea to come along in generations.A vinyl record, with an A Side called Bee Side, consisting solely of the buzzing of bees. The B side called Sea Side, consisting solely of calming…
Drunk Driving World
No matter what they say, there's a spark lost from a sober drive. One or two beers in, just as your skin starts to feel warm, the road starts to feel a little smoother too. The authorities say the lines…
My plan to convert the oceans into unusable slime
This world lacks the ambition to slap God in the face and fuck up all His plans. I intend to change that. The oceans—often called the lungs of our planet—are salty. But just how salty? Turns out, it doesn’t take…
Groundhog Day Remake
I've recently had a fantastic idea for a remake of the classic 1994 movie "Groundhog Day", where my remake would be titled "Groundhog Dog"."What's the new plot about?" I hear you ask. Stuff your output hole and listen.Instead of a…
Speeding is my right ordained by Satan
I'm going to be honest with you, I love driving fast. I love the thrill of my tyres worn down to slicks skidding across a freshy moistened oil pool after weeks of sun, tarmac and motorist abuse. That moment you…
It’s not arson if you don’t start it
It must have been a hot summer around 2008, but I was hanging out with some kids when I saw a thin wisp of smoke tickling the sky, dancing and weaving in the haze of a heat only produced by…